Pearls versus Goals

June 29th, 2012

Goals, what prevents us from setting goals?

There are a number of things that get in our way and prevent us from setting goals.

Here are a couple of ideas:

  • the outcome seems overwhelming, too much trouble, too much work, can’t be bothered.
  • Insufficient planning, not breaking the goals down into the smallest steps you can achieve
  • Insufficient knowledge, lacking the information to take basic steps
  • Not enough time, feeling over committed, drained, not enough energy
  • Unrealistic goals, setting yourself up for failure
  • procrastination, putting things off, avoiding the pain
  • feeling insecure, unsure of yourself, feeling fearful
  • limiting beliefs, believing you cannot achieve it’
  • shoulds and expectations, feeling obligated or guilty
  • perfectionism, waiting for the ideal moment – How will you know when it is perfect?
  • commitment, not willing to commit, fear of failure, not being able to keep your promise.
  • no passion

In our last session it was recommended that instead of Goals we call them Pearls.

Goals has a very weighty, burdensome, undertone.

When I broke the word apart this is what I came up with -

G-rowth,

O- opportuntities ,

A-action,

L-earning

S-kills

When I  used the word Pearls , I immediately felt a different energy:

P-assion, Presence

E-nthusiasm,

A-ction, Awareness,

R-elease (the outcome)

L-earning, Listen to intuition

S-oul, Surrender, Support,Surprise

So  pearls seem more precious, they are what you choose, what you are passionate about, enthusiastic about , your soul drives you forward, you surrender to whatever actions it takes to achieve the pearl. Your intuition guides you.  There is no effort, there is support and you are in the flow.  You set your intention and release the outcome and what it is supposed to look like.

So string your necklace with all the pearls that are dear to your heart.

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The Art of Worry

July 31st, 2010

With my client’s permission, I thought I would share this wonderful exercise I gave her as “homework!”  During our session she had realized that she had developed a pattern of worrying and frightening herself at times with her thoughts. I asked her to pretend that I came from another planet, where worrying was not the custom and if she would be willing to explain to me how I might worry and how I could develop into the “best worrier.”

She took the assignment home and told me it was the strangest, but most fun thing she has done. Below you will what she discovered during this exercise.

5 Guidelines That Will Aid Even the Hopelessly Happy in Effective Worrying

Given the awful polluted world we live in, coupled with the fast paced lives that technology has forced us to lead and exacerbated by decline of traditional wholesome values, it is imperative that we all aim to achieve a firm grasp on the art of worrying. For without indulging in total and complete worry, how else are we to cope with all the demands of this world?

The physical benefits of worrying are numerous: we never waste time sleeping too much, we maintain a serious demeanor (which people commonly associate with intelligence) as well as preventing you from eating too much. Absolutely great: you can become efficient and slim, all while looking intelligent, just from worry!

While reading this have you begun to worry that perhaps maybe you won’t be able attain the coveted zen like state of absolute worry? If you have, then my friend, you are already on the true path. If not however, the following guidelines will attempt to help you in your quest.

5. Dress the part…

Any sort of sleepwear is acceptable; it would be preferable to choose any clothing that does not flatter your body type. Having positive ideations about your physical appearance will only serve to deter you from focusing on the possible cancers and/or or diseases that could be inhabiting your body at this very second. Keep in mind that pretty clothes are just a ruse designed to distract you from the inevitable signs of ageing: sallow skin, graying hair, weight gain, and (I think the best) all the sagging wobbly bits.

4. Isolation and Environment

Now that you have donned your worry uniform, the next step involves placing yourself in an environment conducive to worry; such as a dark untidy bedroom. Of course no one else will be in this special worry sanctuary. Remember that isolation is an integral part of allowing the any small worry to fester into full blown deep seated worry and anxiety. Spend several hours in your worry sanctuary doing nothing except focusing on that which you are worrying. Do not do any other useful tasks and resist the urge to tidy up your surroundings. These activities will produce endorphins and will only counteract all the hard work you have already done.

3. Keeping away from temptation…

Self help books, saccharine TV preachers, overly zealous friends and family members….even Miley Cyrus music.. will all try to dissuade you from the ever reliable comfort that only true worry offers. I like to refer to these as worry vampires…sucking the worry out of any situation. Be on the lookout for these vampires. Guard your brooding moments with your life.

2. Drink lots of coffee and worry friendly foods.

Now that you have prepared your external environment such that it will be conducive to worry, it follows that we must now turn our attention to the foods that we put into our bodies so it will operate at maximum worry efficiency. Foods that slow down our metabolic rates such as fried foods and foods that cause our blood sugar levels to spike such as sweets and cakes all aid our bodies in worry. These foods help us two-fold: not only do these foods affect our body chemistry but, over time, they alter our physical appearance. Isnt’ that wonderful? Overtime eating these foods will cause expanding waistlines, a sense of remorse, shame, premature ageing, guilt…all perfect worry catalysts! Caffeine will help to curb your need to waste time sleeping.

1. Whatever you do…..DO NOT SMILE

This should be self explanatory. No matter what the circumstance it is imperative that your demeanor of worry be maintained.

I sincerely hope that this article will help you to become a better worrier and to overcome any obstacles that may prevent you from worrying.

All my best,

Client.

My client, by exaggerating and looking through the steps and her process for worrying, was able to break it down into parts.  She became aware of all the behaviors, thoughts, that helped contribute to her worrying and in this way could now see that she could make more empowering choices. This exercise was fun, engaging, playful, resourceful and extremely beneficial for the client.

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Fearless Living - a vow of Emotional Independence

July 1st, 2010

Two of my favourite authors and coaches are Rhonda Britten (Fearless Living) and Debbie Ford (The Shadow Effect). Both of them write about our fears, doubts, and aspects of ourselves we wish to hide.

So much of life is spent running on this never ending treadmill, trying to avoid, deny, escape certain aspects of ourselves while chasing the exact opposite to prove we are this better, good, smart, loving, creative, strong, independent, loyal, dependable, honest, generous person. When we feel badly about ourselves we start running in the opposite direction to escape these feelings, instead of being with these feelings to see what they are really trying to let us know. What messages can these emotions teach us about our true self? We run from the dark and chase the light. Yet, you could not recognize light, if you did not know darkness and vice versa.

Our emotions trigger that lightness and darkness within ourselves. Some of us are addicted to one emotion - sad, mad or glad. Sometimes we, judge, criticize, blame, and beat up on ourselves, which leads us to a very dark disempowering, uncreative space where we feel we have no choices. Our emotions trigger thoughts which then affect the actions that we will take. The key to success is awareness, only through awareness can we have choice and open up to a wellspring of creative solutions.

I was sent a wonderful set of intentions in the following Vow of Emotional Independence written by Debbie Ford in her monthly news letter, and thought I would share it with my readers. I now use this as my morning practice, where I recite these wonderful vows and intentions.

The Vow of Emotional Independence

I, (insert your name), (Lydia Mattison) am committed to living free of the strangulating grip of fear, shame, doubt, worry, anger, and sadness.

I promise to give my power to the force greater than myself rather than some food, substance, bad habit, or disempowering craving.

I will stand for my highest expression rather than allowing others’ judgments to define who I am.

I will always make sure to please and take care of myself instead of succumbing to any people-pleasing habits.

I will listen to the voice of my soul rather than listening to the voice of my critical internal judge.

I will find joy in each and every day of my existence rather than get caught up in the insanity of my world.

I will take care of my planet and let my voice be heard instead of waiting for someone else to do it for me.

I will choose powerfully each and every moment to make choices that leave me feeling inspired by myself and will graciously let go of my self-defeating behaviors.

I take this vow NOW as a positive stand for my soul’s highest expression and for every man, woman, and child on this planet today.

As I set myself free, I am freeing myself and others from the violence of my darkest thoughts, my negative projections, and my limiting self-image.

And now I ask all the powers that be to support me in living this vow each and every moment of each and every day.

As I surrender my will for the higher will, I know that I will be guided from my darkest thought to my greatest dream, from my head to my heart.

Today, I commit to living in full accordance with this vow.

And so it is.
Live as if this is your birthright and your destiny - because it is.

© Debbie Ford, July, 2010

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Tell me how you are kind to yourself?

May 17th, 2010

кухненски столовеwhen I am playful and curious about myself

when I smile

when I see humour and can laugh at myself

when I spend time with my husband and children

when I allow instead of resist

when I act from love instead of reacting with fear

when i get to choose instead of have to’s and should’s

when I have a grateful heart

when I show mercy to myself rather than self-blame

when I am compassionate with myself instead of cruel and unkind

when I am honest and do not hide

when I am open to something better than feel a need to hang on

when I surround myself with small pleasures

when I look for connections versus differences

when I allow things to unfold rather than try to force an outcome

when I am open hearted

when I am present instead of lost in activity

when I am vulnerable and share my experiences with others

when I am being Awareness

when I choose peace versus conflict

when I face every challenge as a blessing in disguise

when I am still and practice silence and presence

when I breathe deeply

when I allow myself to be supported and accept help

when I allow myself time to slow down instead of leap into action

when I am open and receptive to the power of grace in my life

when I bring my mind into the present moment

when I dance sing and play

when I paint and give expression to my feelings

when I use my cards for self discovery

when I can tell myself it is all right, I understand

when I stop judging my emotions

when I forgive and let go of grudges

when I float in the ocean and imagine being one with the ocean and I can wrap my arms around the world, knowing that my feelings of love, compassion and caring go around the world and back to me

when I can see the divine in everything and everyone


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What Will Matter

April 22nd, 2010

What Will Matter

Ready or not,

some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises,

no minutes, hours, days.

All the things you collected,

whether treasured or forgotten,

will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power,

will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned,

or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies,

will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans,

and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important

will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from,

or on what side of the tracks you lived.

At the end, whether you were beautiful or brilliant,

male or female, even your skin colour won’t matter.

So what will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?


What will matter is not what you bought,

but what you built;

Not what you got,

but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success,

but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned,

but what you taught.

What will matter is

every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice

that enriched, empowered or encouraged others.

What will matter is not your competence,

but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories,

but the memories that live in those who loved you.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

By Michael Josephson.

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The Resurrection

April 7th, 2010

Wow, I cannot believe I have not written on my website since the New Year.  My word, life has been full and rich and rewarding during this time.  Life is also in transition, constantly changing, shifting, evolving.  I find myself a life long learner, noticing, with curiosity and wonder the changes within me, my family, my relationships, my environments.

For me a resurrection is a rebirth. It comes right after a process of  sifting through, a de-cluttering, sorting through what works, what is important, what  is no longer needed, a releasing, a letting go, a surrendering and a reclaiming and re-commitment to what is truly important.

A resurrection is refreshing, liberating, inspiring, enlightening.

As I get ready to renovate my home, repaint, repair and resurrect my environment to a loving, warm, inviting, relaxing sanctuary, I look around to see what no longer works for me, what is no longer needed.  My husband and I have now found ourselves as “empty nesters” - the result of bringing up our children to be independent, adventurous, and taking opportunities when and where they present themselves, living and enjoying the lives of their own creation.

With all their university fees almost behind us, we can now concentrate on us, our home, our future.  We have both dedicated much of our lives to instilling values, loving, caring, providing for and nurturing  our children to adults.

Now it is time to resurrect our dreams, re-evaluate again what is important. It is now time for our bucket list.  Here are just a few samplings from mine:

  • Go on a cruise
  • Visit the greek islands
  • Visit Macchu Picchu
  • Lead coaching workshops in Trinidad  for our youth, teachers, and parents.
  • Hike to Matelot ( a tiny village on the northern coast of Trinidad)  on the northern Trail.
  • Continue my enneagram training with the Enneagram Institute, and Lifewise Institute.
  • Introduce the enneagram to Trinidad through a series of Enneagram Workshops
  • Work with a team to bring motivational speakers to our shores to help uplift the consciousness
  • Own a comfortable, relaxing beach house retreat on the north coast
  • Host a weekend enneagram retreat with Russ Hudson and Gayle Scott in Trinidad
  • Reconnect to wonderful authors through my radio show Empowering Space -Your Hour of Power once again
  • Lose 10lbs while learning to live and eat healthy
  • take care of myself - body, mind, heart and spirit because I have so much I want to be and do
  • skydive
  • learn to ski well
  • connect with friends regularly
  • see the Phantom of the Opera
  • Acknowledge and appreciate others, see their gifts and strengths- develop this as a core competency in my life- see the greatness in others and meet them there.
  • Spend regular holidays with my family and by extension those important people in their lives.

What’s on your bucket list?  How full is your bucket?

Please feel free to write and share on this blog by commenting on the post.

I appreciate and enjoy  the wonderful ideas that are generated through the Participation.


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Thrive versus Survive

January 17th, 2010

Happy New Year to all my followers and readers!!!!!!!!! Started the New Year with a Bang, facilitating my first workshop for 2010 with Partners Georgina Terry and Kaffi Phillips.  It is the first in a series of workshops we intend to host this year.  Coaching seems to be now catching on in my country and people are becoming more aware of the benefits of having a coach or partaking in a coaching workshop.  As the New Year rolls in, and with the global economic crisis vivid in our memories, many people are finding themselves in transition or at a crossroads in their life.  The world as we know it is shifting, getting smaller, more accessible, more fast paced, while our beliefs and values are also shifting and changing.  We need new tools and life skills to support us on our journey. What many participants discovered during the workshop is, the way in which we limit ourselves by focusing on only three of four areas in our lives, and so feel as though something is missing in our life.  We feel unfulfilled, dissatisfied, overwhelmed, confused.  Many times if there is a loss in one of these areas to which we have devoted most of our time, energy and resources, it can feel like our entire world is falling apart, or that we have lost everything. So what is the secret to thriving vs surviving: - Living a more balanced life, a life filled with joy and passion and the things that truly make your heart sing. Becoming the interior designer of your own life in an integral way - body,mind, heart, spirit.  Living a life by design versus a life by default.  Living a life in the present, not in the future …. Someday when… or in the past If only…… Your point of power is in the present, it is only in the present moment that you can take an inspired action that can change your past or future. How balanced is your life? Where do you dedicate your time, energy and resources? Where do you feel a gap in what you currently have and what you truly desire? Finances:- Income, investments, retirement Work:- Career, business Family:- married life, single life, children Health and Recreation:-Everything you do to take care of yourself Community:-Friends, social life, community involvement Living environment:- Your setting, your space, your home, office Personal Growth:- What you  do or learn to improve yourself Spirituality:- Your spiritual life. Rate each area of your life and if you are absolutely satisfied in this area of your life then you are thriving and give yourself a 10.  A 1 in this area of your life would mean that you are absolutely not satisfied with this area of your life and may be surviving or even suffering. How do you rate yourself between 1-10 in each area? What would a 10 look like in the area in which you scored the lowest mark? How can you begin to create this? What steps can you take to close in the gaps? What gets in your way? How do your habits, beliefs and behaviors need to be altered in order to close those gaps? Start designing your New Year, invest in yourself and your happiness. Take this opportunity to put your hands on the wheel of your life and turn it at a speed that returns you to happiness more quickly.  Learn to navigate these times as smoothly as possible, so you emerge more resilient, less drained, more energized and more inspired in your life. What first steps will you take to get you out of the passenger’s seat and put you back in the driver’s seat? If you are interested in attending one of our Thrive vs Survive Interactive Workshops send and email to info@bpdassociates.com.   If you are interested in a professional coach who can assist you through the life design process, please send me an email through the form on my contact page. Stop delaying your happiness.

Power of Purposeful Living

December 13th, 2009
  • How would you know you were living a Purposeful Life?
  • What would be different from how you are living your life now?
  • What is a life purpose?
  • What does your heart and soul thrive upon?
  • How can you uncover Your purpose?
  • Why is it important to uncover your life purpose?

There is a purpose at work in everyone’s life. You may be very aware of it or it may be hidden to you. Your purpose is your reason for being - who you feel called to be and what you feel called to do. It is your vision for the world, your core value, what others can count on you for, your gift and a guiding principle that encompasses your life. A life purpose is more about who you are than what you do.  It is like the sword of clarity, it cuts though everything that is false and lets you see what is true about your life. It becomes a measure for every decision, choice and action.

Step into an Empowering Space with my guest, Georgina Terry as we discuss the Power of Living a Purposeful Life. Join us Thursday 17th, 2009 at 8:00pm EST- 9:00pm local Trini Time

If your life is always being shaped by something, and you are unclear what your purpose is, what’s shaping your life right now?

The Power of Passion

November 28th, 2009

This week clear out of the blue, My coaching partner Georgina Terry www.bpdassociates.com gifted me with a wonderful experience. Georgina had designed a  workshop on developing Presentation Skills which she was going to present at the Commonwealth Youth Forum aboard the Caribbean Princess docked here in Trinidad for the Commonwealth Heads Of Government Meeting.  This ship was being used as a floating learning center for the youth of the Caribbean Region to discuss different topics and to offer free training and development for the youth.

Well as the story goes Georgina only found out two days before she was supposed to facilitate that the workshop was not one hour but rather one day and she could bring along other facilitators.  So she called up her Associates Kaffi Phillips and myself to see if we would be able to help at this eleventh hour. Georgina redesigned the entire workshop and here I was off to facilitate a presentation which I had not yet seen. Because coaching is my passion, I rearranged my day so that I could attend this workshop.

At 8:00am after we had breakfast I sat with Georgina and looked through the slides as the workshop was begining at 9:00am.  Slowly people started walking into the room one by one. Young people between the ages of 19 and 29. We greeted and had introductory conversations with different people as they found their ideal spot and made themselves comfortable in the room.

I do not believe that any of us in that room were prepared for the transformations that were about to take place.  Being a transformational coach, those AHA! Moments (a higher awareness)  when we stand in a truth and things can never be the same are some of the most meaningful moments in coaching.

Georgina began the introductions and began the facilitation, with everyone sharing their expectations and the ground rules- rules of engagement.  The group got very involved setting out the guidelines of how they wanted to show up in this space.

As the presentation continued the youth realized that this was going to be an extremely interactive and engaging workshop and no one would be falling asleep or have time for boredom.

We worked with them around creating a vision and reconnecting with their passion in order to develop their compelling story for their presentations. Some people got to work immediately and there was a buzz in the room but others could not remember or find something that they were passionate about. So we walked around the room and supported those who needed a little help by using empowering questions.

I noticed one person in particular who had a blank page and was staring ahead of her in thought.  I asked her if she needed some help reconnecting and she said yes.  So we sat together and I began asking her some questions helping her reconnect to the things that bring her joy in her life. She started jotting down all these ideas and then I asked her to see if she could find or make a connection between them. I asked her not to think if it was possible, but to just open up to the image and create a space for the possibility. I asked her if I could share a possible perspective and option with her.   As soon as the words came out my mouth there was a twinkle in her eye and her body shifter. She wanted to be able to write and share stories of different cultures and travel around the world doing so, and had never ever thought of that as a possibility for herself. Now she had a vision.  It was as though a light went on inside her.  I could see the energy of excitement, possibility, and passion pulsing inside her. I told her this was just one possibility and when looking at the words on her page see how she could connect them with the word and versus or and create something new and exciting.

After we had finished the exercise while Georgina was speaking two gentlemen came over to me to say that they were reporters with the BBC.  They had visited the different workshops and wanted to interview five from our workshop as this seemed like the place where people were passionate about their views. So I asked them to wait till the session was nearing and end and then I would let them speak and introduce themselves so they could choose the volunteers.

In the end everyone was connecting with their “joy juice” the energy in the room changed, people were excited to share and participate and were eager to share and receive feedback. One person shared her story and had touched on a truth of why what she was saying was so important for the youth and shared a personal story, she became very emotional and continued as Georgina and myself stood at her side.  She told a compelling story and it touched everyone in the room.   She thought she had done a terrible job, because she had gotten emotional.  I shared with the group that many of us think that power is a strength, a force, being in control of our emotions, not showing our weakness, but true inner strength comes from being able to stand in your truth no matter how difficult and share your vulnerabilities with others from the deepest places in our hearts.

At the end of the first session The BBC broadcasters stepped in and asked for people who were willing to share their stories, both the shy girl who I helped and the one who thought she had done a horrible job, were two of the volunteers that stepped into an empowering space.   I realized that as the shy girl had allowed herself the opportunity to believe in the possibility, her energy shifted and BBC reporters arrived to receive her very first story.  Validating the saying by Napolean Hill -What the mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve.

It was such a joy and privilege for me to be standing on the brink of an empowering space, witnessing these youth rediscover the passion in their hearts and their untold stories.

I was not present for the evening session as I had my radio show that evening the Power of storytelling and Kaffie Phillips took that session with Georgina.  Georgina shared with me that the stories in the end were all beautiful and inspiring.  Everyone had stepped into the empowering space of sharing their vulnerability, a truly powerful place where they stood in their truth, and were transformed as speakers, and presenters.

It was a wonderful journey from the head to their hearts.